WTF It's Been Three Years of this Crap!

Ok, so last week, a Facebook friend accused me of not being spirited enough on the last few WTF posts. At first I laughed it off; I mean come on, I can't be spitting mad all the time... right? But then I had a little internal reflection and I realized I may have been phoning in the WTF posts just a little bit.

Why you ask? Well, I am a mother and I don't want people to think I am some raging bitch that loses her cool constantly; someone that should not be around children perhaps. I just hope all you readers know that WTF Wednesday is meant to be ironic.

I'm not saying I don't ever get worked up or mad but seriously, I don't go off and swear in everyday life people. In real life, the worst things I say are Suck and Pissed Off and even those I should never say as I have heard my three year old say pissed off and it made me feel like the worst mother EVER!

Anyway, sorry for the ultra long introduction (once again breaking my keep it short biotch rule). Just to forewarn you, this WTF post has been three mother f-ing years in the making; I have yelled over this situation and I have cried over it like a selfish little baby. All I can say is warning: serious vitriol spewing ahead!

Our little house, sits on a large piece of property (10,000SqFt which is large for in the city) and it borders on two streets; it faces the street we have our address on and the yard stretches all the way back to a small dead-end street that we have our driveway and garage on.

When I say our little house, I am not kidding. It is only 1215 SqFt inside, we only have one bathroom and we are literally bursting at the seams with two adults,  two children, two cats and one large dog. We knew years ago we needed a bigger home which is why,  three long years ago, we began the process of trying to subdivide our property so we could build a larger house behind our small home.

What have we accomplished since then you ask???

Shit all.

We have spent countless hours, thousands of dollars, hired several professionals (surveyors, architects, home designers and an arborist) to go around and around in circles and always come right back to where we started.

Early on in the process we discovered that our driveway off the dead-end street at the back was not, and had never been, on the city plan. It has been there for over fifty years, it is the only driveway access to this home and yet, the city had no record of it. To them, we had no formal access off the small dead-end street at the back and therefore, we could not subdivide based on that access until we legitimized our driveway on the city plan.

It should have been easy; the gentleman right next door to us had the same issue and the city allowed him to purchase the mouth of his driveway, thereby legitimizing his access, back in 2002. It seemed logical they would allow us to do the same.

But I have learned nothing is logical when it comes to dealing with the staff of my city. No joke, these people (who are all men I might add) are either a bunch of bumbling fools or they are the biggest assholes I have ever met. They never call us back, they speak cryptically and even the professional we hired (who has years of experience doing developments in our city) said one of them was so rude to him on the phone that he was left wondering what we had done to them to make them hate us so much (yes, it is like high school all over again people).

A few months ago, a few of the department heads agreed to come to our property and look at what we were dealing with (WTF it took 2.5 years to get them to come see). Four men showed up and stood with me at the end of the dead-end street at the back. The meeting was a gong show, I was totally out of my league, I should have had my husband or the home designer there (no I am not a weak and meek woman but in this instance I needed some testosterone).

I made a mistake meeting them alone, I felt like a freakin lamb going to the slaughter and I am sure they sensed my fear. At one point I was left with my mouth gaping open at one of their comments. When discussing us potentially buying the mirror image of city land that our neighbour had (all in an attempt to legitimize our driveway so we could move forward with our subdivision) one of the city guys looked at me and said: "What's in it for us?"

I was like WTF... did you seriously just ask me that. Am I seriously having a meeting in which I am the only woman, meeting with four men who are in positions of power, and one of them actually uttered the words: "What's in it for us?".

WTF... are you freakin dumb? Do you have any idea how those words sound? Are you seriously that unprofessional?

Yes they are! They are literally that dumb and unprofessional (a little aside here, one of them was actually very helpful at that meeting and I think he was getting annoyed with the others).

I know the man had no ill intent. I know he was meaning why should the city sell us the land and not some other salacious thing but seriously... you don't say shit like that!

So where are we now. Nowhere new. Doing the same mother f-ing dance just to a different tune. Still trying to figure out the drive way thing. Still being squeezed like sardines in this itsy bitsy house.

WTF.... it's been three years of this crap!

I literally want to shake these people and yell at them:

WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU WANT US TO DO SO WE CAN GET THIS SH*T MOVING!!!!!!

But, I doubt that would go over well. So I smile pretty and I let the professional we hired do his job and I wait and I rant on my blog.


Phhhheeeeewwww. That was a long one. I feel spent. If I smoked... I would have a cigarette now. But hell no, I don't smoke! WTF is up with smoking anyways... don't get me started on that one. ;)