Welcome to My Personal Hell

It's an antique table made of apple and pear wood. When we found it at the local antique consignment store we were so pleased because it is long and thin and fits perfectly into our smallish dining room. I love my dining room table which is why I lament the fact that it has recently become my personal hell.

 If you are a parent you probably already know why this is the case. I suppose I should have seen it coming, I mean I have read Deceptively Delicious. However,  I was guilty of what so many of us novice parents are. I never thought my children could be that bad; I never believed I could raise picky eaters and the truth is,  my 3-year-old lured me into a false sense of security. For the first 2.5 years of his life he ate anything and everything. There was barely a thing that kid would turn away.

So, when my second child started eating at 6-months-old and began rearing his ugly picky eating head by 8-months-old, I took solace in the fact that at least my older boy was still such a good eater.

What a dumb ass I was.

I am sure you can already guess what has happened. My 3YO has decided he hates almost every type of food. And the thing that makes me the most mad is that it's not a taste aversion thing, it is 100% a control thing. The kid will ask for a grilled cheese sandwhich and in the time it takes me to cook it, he will decide he doesn't like grilled cheese anymore.

And the ridiculous shit excuses that come out of his mouth make me want to lose my mind!!

"I can't eat this because I have a really bad headache."

"I've just had a really long day mom."

"I ate too much cereal this morning and my stomach is still hurting."

"I think I would like another dinner."

"My Bun Bun (his stuffed rabbit) told me not to eat this."

In-freakin-furiating is all I can say about those!

This evening, after he had already run through most of those excuses, I had absolutely reached my breaking point and I did something I said I would never do. I made him sit at the table and told him he could not leave until he finished at least five bites of food. Good god, I did not set the bar that high... it was only FIVE BITES in total!!

He has a flair for the dramatic so our evening turned into a total gag fest (literally). He sat for 20 minutes eating tiny bites and gagging non stop until my husband asked him to go to his room where he proceeded to make himself throw up the minimal amount of dinner he ate all over his bed.

At this point you may be thinking I am the worlds meanest mother. You might be thinking: oh the poor boy... he was probably not feeling well and you made him eat and he threw up. 

Well, you would be wrong. You see,  my older son learned the fine art of making himself throw up for attention before he was a year old. I remember my cousin was here once and was horrified when at 10 months old, my son stuck his fingers down his throat repeatedly until he threw up all over his high chair tray. He doesn't employ this little technique often (thank god) and quite frankly, if he did I would likely be dragging him to a child psychologist because it is kinda disturbing.

Needless to say, sitting down to a meal at my dining room table has truly become my personal hell. Just imagine for a moment a typical meal in our home: The baby is throwing food everywhere and constantly trying to feed the dog and the cat (yes my cat is weird and begs under the table with the dog), my 3YO is spewing out a slew of excuses and gagging constantly, my husband is scarfing down his dinner trying to minimize the amount of time he needs to spend at the table (can you blame him) and I sit there wondering why the hell I even bothered slaving over a nutritious meal which is apparently gag worthy. It's a wonder I don't just run away... forever!

Somebody tell me... why did I want kids again???

Oh yeah... cause they are so damn fun.

Any advice... I would love to hear it???